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Weekly Vent..


Dear Ladies Who Pass Gas.


I'm not a nasty un-hygienic person by any means, I take my 2 showers a day, brush my teeth once, maybe twice a day on special occasions. So don't look at me all funny when I say that every once in a while a heffa farts. Yeah I said it, I'm just like any other human being. I pass gas.

There's nothing wrong with passing gas, I actually think passing gas is a cure for what ails ya, but there's a specific place and time to do it.

1) Not at work, believe me, it's embarrassing and when you think the coast is clear and you do a "one cheek sneak" that's usually when someone will come up asking you a question and walk right into your masterpeice of funk. They'll play it off like they don't smell anything but the next day the whole office will know that your cubicle smells like you shit out a tiny Mexican.

2) On a date, that's a no no from the get-go but when you have to poot you have to poot. Don't make a beeline for the restroom and start letting out little poots while walking because 9/10 your guy will for some unknown reason proceed to follow you walking all up in the line of poot-fire. Not a good way to end a date with your man thinking something died up in you.

3) in front of Family, those heffa's will call your ass out at any given moment. Take this scenario, you're sitting in the living room with a group of friends.

Mom: (washing the dishes) Brrrrriipp (fart)
You embarrassed: Ew Momma DANG!
Mom: Hush, I know you ain't talking, remember last week you pooted so loud that I answered the front door thinking someone was knocking.

4) Lastly don't poot in your car unless you plan on not having someone in there for the next 3 days. It's like car seats suck that shit in and slowly lets it out, like a mini- air freshener. Now if you have a drop-top then this of-course doesn't apply to you.

I hope you pretties take all these rules into consideration before you pass gas. It could save lives!

Juiicy

Click here to read last weeks vent. Dear Mr. Indian Man.

You have to release that stuff. If not that can be harmful.

hows about while having sex.. and this applies to the guys too.. that gross!

This had me cracking up all day, more please.

That is funny but very true. Like my uncle always says "I'm not gonna mess my insides for someone else..too bad for you." Cuz u know when you hold it in for too long that shit messes up your stomach.

Ok now that we've pointed out the issues lets brainstorm on some solutions. Because we all know a skunk storm can ruin a social or romantic situation or reputation. YOU KNOW THAT THE MORE WRONG OR INAPROPRIATE A SITUATION IS THE MORE THAT STEAM IS GONA WANT TO ESCAPE. BEFOR U KNOW IT JUST WHEN THEY LEAST EXPECT IT YOUR FRIENDS WILL HAVE A LOOK OF HORROR ON THEIR FACE WHEN THEY HEAR THE CRY OF AN INPRISONED TERD MAKING A JAIL BREAK! Lol!

As I write this post—longhandOffice 2010in a spiral notebook—I’m 20,000 feet above eastern Washington, having Microsoft Office 2010just crossed above the Cascades on my return flight Microsoft wordto Chicago. I visited Seattle for the weekend to Office 2007and I have known each other for 20 years now. They Microsoft Officehad a lovely ceremony, and the trip in general was fantastic.Microsoft Office 2007In the 13 years since I left Seattle, I’ve Office 2007 keyvisited six or seven times, and I always return to wherever has Office 2007 downloadOffice 2007 Professionalbecome home with mixed feelings about the place. It Outlook 2010both alarms and pleases me to see howMicrosoft outlookthat once-familiar areas seem almost foreign. ForMicrosoft outlook 2010neighborhoods have changed, to the point Windows 7 as have cookie-cutter, here-today-and-gone-tomorrow nightclubs that cater to the shiny shirt crowd.

As I write this post—longhandOffice 2010in a spiral notebook—I’m 20,000 feet above eastern Washington, having Microsoft Office 2010just crossed above the Cascades on my return flight Microsoft wordto Chicago. I visited Seattle for the weekend to Office 2007and I have known each other for 20 years now. They Microsoft Officehad a lovely ceremony, and the trip in general was fantastic.Microsoft Office 2007In the 13 years since I left Seattle, I’ve Office 2007 keyvisited six or seven times, and I always return to wherever has Office 2007 downloadOffice 2007 Professionalbecome home with mixed feelings about the place. It Outlook 2010both alarms and pleases me to see howMicrosoft outlookthat once-familiar areas seem almost foreign. ForMicrosoft outlook 2010neighborhoods have changed, to the point Windows 7 as have cookie-cutter, here-today-and-gone-tomorrow nightclubs that cater to the shiny shirt crowd.

There's no doubt, the guy is completely right.
Boudin Blanc I - (Sausage-Making Cookbook)

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